The day that started it all

Today is the one year anniversary of the day that really started this mess. One year ago today, I was awaken at 1:00 am in the morning to "the" most unbearable pain one can ever imagine. It was the same pain I had experience 4 other times in the two weeks prior to that morning. Only this time, it was worse. Much worse. I paged my doctor and she said to try to hold on until 7:30 to meet her at her office. We would do the 3d ultra sound, but she suspected that my tube may be about to rupture. We were all just so surprised as I had just spent the last 3 days bleeding like crazy and sick from getting the methotrexate shots.

Sure enough, the 3d ultrasound showed it loud and clear. My tube was bursting and I was bleeding. The ultrasound tech just gasped. Within minutes, Jeff and I were pushed out the door and told to go directly to the hospital to get admitted. My tube was coming out NOW. Within a couple of hours, I was on the operating table. Done. No more left tube.

The surgery went fine, however I also had pnemonia and my lungs were soooo bad. My cough was just painful to hear. They sent me home with tons of vicodin for the surgical pain and tons of codein to supress my cough. I was told to roll into a ball if I had to cough immediately.

Things were going fine, but 5 days later, Christmas Eve, I ended up back in the hospital as I finally had done it: my coughing from the pnemonia had gotten so bad that I coughed one of my internal stitches into a nerve. I am not really sure which pain was worse? After they got me stablized and calmed down, I was able to go home and told in increase my vicodin. I seriously don't remember a whole lot about Christmas last year. I slept most of the day.

We were so sure this year would be different for us. And it is. It's worse. But for today, there was one bright moment. Jeff had his yearly review today and was the recipient of a 5 digit $$ raise. It is so NOT the money that makes me happy, but it means that if we get to where we have to pay out of pocket for IVF or an adoption this year. The money is there. I feel like it's some sort of a sign. That even if IF is breaking me physically and mentally.. it just might not break me financially. And for today.. that's something.