9dp5dt

I honestly can't believe I have not taken a pregnancy test. I am amazed at how I feel. TERRIFIED. I just can't bring myself to do it. It's nuts really. I am terrified but the other thing is that stupid trigger could still be in me. I would think by today or tomorrow it will definitely be out. I always tested it out at 7dpo and it was always gone. So... I still can't do it. I refuse to believe that it would be negative.

I was cramping off and on all day again with a few jabbing pains here and there. I can't believe the amount of cramping I have had. If I am not pregnant, this is one hell of a progesterone lesson that I have learned. It's been crazy.

I have to be honest. I am freaking out a bit about tomorrow. I have to go in for blood work in the morning. I don't know what to expect. Will they call me or won't they? And is a call a good thing or a bad thing? If I had to guess, I would say that I do NOT want them to call me. That would mean my blood work is all in a 'normal' range. Whatever the fuck normal means. I have no idea. But I just have to go with the old saying: no news is good news. I have this gut feeling that they are going to run a beta on me tomorrow and not tell me. I think they may have done this on Monday as well.

One thing I do know for sure.. from about 1-5 tomorrow afternoon, I will be hyperventilating.