Friday, May 21, 2010

Another loss

I have spoke often of my MoMfia. My group of multiple moms. Our group is about 150. 100 really active in the group I would say. Today, May 21st was supposed to be a day of celebration. We were going to be celebrating the 1 year anniversary of the creation of the chat board that brought us so close. The Bump is actually where it all started. On their multiples board. But this private board that spun off from there is where we all call home now.

We're family.

With 100+ women, we don't always get along, like each other, or agree. But one thing is for certain, when push comes to shove, we are family and we rally around each other. Today, was supposed to be a day of celebrating that family. Instead, we are a grief stricken family in mourning.

Yesterday, a member of our family lost her 20 month old son, JW. JW was born at 27 weeks due to loss of amniotic fluid, which severely compromised his lung development. He was on oxygen since birth, but otherwise, a very happy normal child. JW caught a cold and it progressed. He did not recover. We are all devastated. Devastated for the loss of this beautiful child. Devastated for his mother and father and two sisters.

And... my family is reminded of those we've lost before. Not that we don't think of them always, but on days like this, those memories wash over you like high tide slapping you in the face. JW is the 5th child lost in 15 months in this group of 100 women.

I've been trying to make some sense of this all day and I really can't. I know people say everything happens for a reason, but over the last couple years, I have come to think those words are horse shit. Really? There is a reason JW is no longer with us? There is a reason children die at the hand of child abusers and of cancer or other terrible diseases? No.. I cannot see a reason for that. The only conclusion I come up with is that sometimes life really sucks. It's horrible and tragic. And it's just not fair. How do you go on? I truly hope I never have to find out, because knowing and caring about the people who are forced to figure that out is almost more than I can take.

So for tonight, I will count my blessings. Hug my boys tighter, love them longer, look into their eyes one more time. And I will never complain when they wake up in the middle of the night, are sick with a cold, or have pooped through another outfit. At least I am lucky enough to have perspective. And to be able to hug them whenever I want.

Dear Blog

I am so sorry I neglect you! I just don’t know how to keep you fed and happy with all kinds of fun stories about my kids. You are a great idea in theory. It was the place to write my feelings about my infertility. Then my pregnancy and now.. my boys. But man.. you are low on the totem pole of priorities. Perhaps someday, we can have a better relationship. Till then..

Yes, once again, I’ve been neglectful. So much to do so little time. I am waiting for a lottery win so I can stay home with my boys! Let’s see.. what has been going on…

Well. .the boys had their 18 month appointment and they are tall and skinny again:
Benj: 24 pounds, 33 inches
Nate: 25 pounds 34 inches
Alex: 24 pounds 10 ounces, 34.5 inches

No wonder I can hardly keep pants on them! Good lord! I have been worried about that recently as they decided to go on an eating strike. For about a week, I literally watched them throw food on the floor for every meal except breakfast. So I was like.. what do I do? Keep throwing every kind of food I have in the kitchen at them until they find something to eat, or start feeding them pancakes and scrambled eggs for every meal!?!? They did pick back up this past weekend so who knows. Such is the life with 3 toddlers. It is not the first time we’ve had feeding issues and I have a feeling this will not be the last time.

My mom visited for a week and that was nice. They boys LOVE her and she is such a great grandma. Talking and feeding and hugging and playing and new toys and new clothes… what else could three little men ask for? We really wish we could convince granny judy to move down by us so that we could see her more often.

The boys really seemed to have a language explosion too. All of a sudden they’ve gone from their typical few words to mimicking everything we do and say. Lord help us. I just know my kid is going to be the first one on the playground calling some other kid a douche bag.

Me and Jeff have also been busy as heck. Jeff’s job is pretty out of control lately, but they’ve finally recognized it and are giving him a market adjustment in his salary. I am really happy for him… and the fact that my new kitchen is now on it’s way! But the London trip does seem like it is about to be a reality. Also consuming my time is the fact that our new nanny has not worked out. That’s a whole blog post in itself and I am sure any MoMfia members who are reading this blog are sick to death of listening to me bitch about it. So I’ll just say.. I had to do the search and interview process that I love so much twice in 2 months time. Gotta love it.

One other great and exciting thing is that I’ve recently been “found” but an amazing group of triplet mom’s. Yes, tis true that I am in a couple multiples groups already, but this one is triplet moms and the best part is, many of them practically live in my neighborhood. We all got together a couple nights ago and I am already loving my new found friends. In fact, do I have any friends anymore who do NOT have multiples? LOL