Monday, November 12, 2007

Some people are just freakin psychotic...

And apparantly, I am related to quite a few of them.

I am the youngest of 4. And they are 12, 13, 14 years older than I am. They were all moved out of the house by the time I was 6 and went off to do their things. College, milatary, and to just move around. Then, at age 18, I moved 500 miles away to go to college and never went back. For the most part, I grew up as an only child.

As a kid, I managed to get all A's and B's (I never missed the honor roll), always attended my dance class, ccd class, performed in all the school plays, sang in the high school's select chorale, sang in my church choir, cantored at church, played softball, didn't do drugs or get MIP's, participated in Key Club and Youth in Government, was part of the 'in' crowd at school and got accepted with no problem at Michigan State University. I graduated in 4.5 years and managed to put myself through 2 years of grad school on my own. Most of college, I worked two and three jobs at a time.

At 34, my student loans are paid off and I have a very good job at a very prestigeous global consulting firm. I am married to a wonderful man whom I love with all my heart. We own a house, have two dogs who we adore and are now trying to have a baby. I used to volunteer at the local hospital and give as much money as I can to help homeless annimals. I have never been in jail, I am a loyal friend, I love my mother and I am an ethical co worker and employee. I would like to think that I live my life in a good, respectful, decent way.

The most fond memories I have of my childhood and high school years are as follows:

-Spending my summers at my grandparents house on Indian Lake playing with my cousins all summer long.
-Traveling all over with my dad to see Detroit Tiger baseball games.
-Camping with my dad
-Road tripping with my mom and dad to places like Disney World, Mt. Rushmore, and Great America
-Playing with my best friend Cheri, and hanging out with her family. Since I was an 'only child' her and her 3 siblings across the street were the only siblings I knew

I love/loved both of my parents and am totally appreciative of everything they gave me.

Apparantly, though.. I was a sassy child and as a teenager, fought with my parents. Alot. I know this becuase my siblings tell me and my mom so. They did and still do, even though I am 34.

--They tell my mom and I that I was the cause for all of the damage ever done to my parents marriage
--That I was disrespectful and spoiled
--That I was a deceptive liar and would push anything or anyone out of my way to get what I wanted
--That I am responsible for the abusive way my niece has always talked to her parents, especially her mother

Here is what I remember:
--That my parents were never truly happy during my childhood. They slept in separate bedrooms and coexisted for as long as I have any memories at all.
--That I was an only child growing up. My parents were in their 40's when they were raising me and had a lot more time and money than they did in their 20's raising three children. I spent my Christmas' opening Barbies and Cabbage Patch Kids, and my sister and sister in law spent their holidays counting my gifts against the number their children received and taking that out on me when my parents weren't around. Especially the Cabbage Patch Kids christmas. I was 10. My sister was 24.
--That my sister had a terrible relationship with my parents, moved out at 16 and spent her days trying to figure out how to piss my parents off. Then, when she was around, she spent her time making things up to try to get me in trouble. Like how I was always on the phone (gasp a teenager on the phone!) or that I 'shoved' her out of the way when I needed to use the bathroom mirror. My parents never let me forget what a disappointment she was to them and that I would never grow up to be like her.
--My niece was born when I was 11. I did go to her house to baby sit alot until I was 14 and then going out with my friends became more important than baby sitting. Until I was 18, I did see her at the holidays and a few other times per year when they would stop by my house or I would stop by theirs with my mom and dad. Truthfully.. I don't really remember a whole lot. Then at 18 when she was 7, I moved away to go to college and then my only contact really began 2-3 times a year.

I do not have a good relationship with my siblings. I never will. I am ok with this. Really. I am more than ok with this.

1. Rob. My oldest brother. I used to think he didn't have much of an opinion on what terrible child/person I was/am. It was his wife that made up for the both of them. She is a miserable jealous person. She is a gossip. She believes she is perfect. She is the first person to cast stones at everyone else's house when she herself lives in the biggest glass house of them all. She cannot look in the mirror and take the blame for anything.

Lisa.. you're fake phony miserable bitch. Look in the fucking mirror at your life. Your marriage, your relationships with your children. they are just that.. YOURS. YOU. YOU DID IT ALL TO YOURSELF. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS. You are the one person in all of this family mess that I can honestly say.. FUCK OFF AND I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. I don't care about you. I don't care if you live or die. I have not lived by you for 15 years nor have I ever been a part of your every day life. If it makes you feel better to blame me for what I could not possibly have affected.. you go for it. There.. do you feel better now? Hate me. I really do not care. Really. You're miserable existence means nothing to me. You are nothing. Nothing.

I spent my childhood doing nothing but fighting off my sister and sister in law. These are two crazy fools and you can't reason with a fool. They are driving my mother to her death. and it's making me sick and crazy.

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