Shock

The cycle that I wrote off has worked! I am pregnant! I keep saying it over and over again and to Jeff and we both still feel like we are talking about someone else. Surely this isn't us? Surely this good luck that we have been utterly blessed with isn't us?

I cannot be the one who got a faint bfp at 5dp5dt and then an unmistakeable one at 8dp5dt and then a line darker than the control line at 9dp5dt???? And at 11dp5dt got a beta of 239, progesterone at 200+ and estrogen over 2000??? Surely.. this cannot be me???

I am just in shock.

As my experience has jaded me, I am still in defensive mode and am having a hard time believing and celebrating. Don't get me wrong, when I saw that line turn as soon as the pee hit the stick at 8dp5dt (I didn't test the two days in between days 10 and 13), I had a an absolute crying fit. And on Easter Sunday no less. I was sobbing. This can't be for real. This can't be me. To say we are thrilled would be the understatement of the year. We are overjoyed. To say we want this child would be next understatement of the year. We are dying to be parents. To love a child. Our very own child. The biological child I have seen slip away from me over the past 8 months. It might actually happen now.

I am just in shock.

I hope that I soon believe that this wonderful blessing, this glorious gift from above is really mine. Mine to keep this time.