Happy Birthday to me!

LOL.

I had a pretty good birthday! It started out a bit shaky, but it recovered nicely.
My sister and niece came over for the night to help my mom babysit. Jeff and I went to the Melting Pot for dinner and then.... we got a hotel room with a jacuzzi tub and a bottle of champagne! It was so nice!! omg.. We just hung out, sat in the tub, we even rented a pay per view movie and watched it all the way through! However.. I didn't actually sleep very good which sucked. I think it was a combination of thinking about the boys and the movie we watched was the Changeling and all about a mother who loses her only son to a kidnapping and murder. ugh. Man.. we should have rented the 4 Christmas movie! Oh well.. it was sooooooo nice to be with Jeff and reconnect.

Well, the reason my day started shaky was because of yet another incident with my mother. Ugh. I honestly don't know how much longer she can stay with us. The thought of her leaving and having to deal with all three babies on my own Monday - Friday while Jeff is at work sends me into convulsions but is it worth it? I know I could do it but it is soooo much easier having a second set of hands. But then again.. the disruptions it's causing is almost starting to outweigh the help she gives.

For starters, my mom came from a hard situation when she moved in with us in October when the babies were born. She is disgruntled, miserable, negative, critical.. you name it. I am not saying that she doesn't have a right to feel the way she does, but it's carrying over to me. I don't do anything right. I don't feed the babies on time, I let them cry to much, the house is to small, it's to cold, I don't feed them enough, my husband is an ass (oh and this has ruined my mother and husbands relationship completely) I am on the computer to much.. shall I go on?? But when I get pissed and blow up with it all.. she cries, says she wants to die.. jesus christ. I already have three babies in this house and I seriously have a 4th with her.

The shit part of this is that she can't "just leave" and go home. She has no home to go back to. She was living with her boyfriend and she broke it off with him, put all her shit in storage and came to live with us. So if she does leave, she needs time to find a place. And then she doesn't know where that will be.. by us or back in my home town. I think she needs to just go home to our home town. She can't handle it here in the city. It's waaaaaayyyy to much for her. But then I think the thought of not seeing the boys more than 4 or 5 times a year is to much for her to bear too. But.. its to far for us to travel and to much of a hassel to even do 4 or 5 times now. And she's afraid to drive it alone..flying is to expensive (about $500 in and out of our tiny home town). I could go on and on. There are no good solutions. None.

I love my mom and don't want to see my relationship with her ruined, but I don't know how much longer I can go on. I really don't. I am getting beat up on both sides of this from my mother and my husband. I don't really think I ever got post partum depression, but I'll tell you, this situation is certainly my cross to bear.