Shock

The cycle that I wrote off has worked! I am pregnant! I keep saying it over and over again and to Jeff and we both still feel like we are talking about someone else. Surely this isn't us? Surely this good luck that we have been utterly blessed with isn't us?

I cannot be the one who got a faint bfp at 5dp5dt and then an unmistakeable one at 8dp5dt and then a line darker than the control line at 9dp5dt???? And at 11dp5dt got a beta of 239, progesterone at 200+ and estrogen over 2000??? Surely.. this cannot be me???

I am just in shock.

As my experience has jaded me, I am still in defensive mode and am having a hard time believing and celebrating. Don't get me wrong, when I saw that line turn as soon as the pee hit the stick at 8dp5dt (I didn't test the two days in between days 10 and 13), I had a an absolute crying fit. And on Easter Sunday no less. I was sobbing. This can't be for real. This can't be me. To say we are thrilled would be the understatement of the year. We are overjoyed. To say we want this child would be next understatement of the year. We are dying to be parents. To love a child. Our very own child. The biological child I have seen slip away from me over the past 8 months. It might actually happen now.

I am just in shock.

I hope that I soon believe that this wonderful blessing, this glorious gift from above is really mine. Mine to keep this time.

And the embabies have landed..

The transfer went good. God.. I hate that big ass speculum. That and I guess my bladder was TOO full so Dr. A made me get all in position on the table, checked it and twice I had to get up and go pee to get rid of some of it!! Fun.

Anyhow.. when we got there, we were told that of the 8 that had fertilized we had:
2 blasts
3 pre-blasts
2 morula's (which are pre pre blast, LOL)
1 of the 8 had finally pooped out

We were very happy to hear that. Beats the crap out of my first IVF cycle for sure! He said they are going to freeze on day 6 this time so I should get my freeze report in the next couple days, but he said the rest were all in a sort of pre blast stage so he expected most, if not all of them to be frozen. That would be nice to have 4 more snowbabies for use at some point if we need them.

So then came the conversation of "how many". Dh and I decided that we would let the Dr. make the call. He did.

Three.

We put in the 2 blasts and the most advanced pre blast.

For 3 reasons. 1) b/c Ivf is the only way I can ever get pregnant. 2) I have already had a failed IVF with 2 blasts, and 3) my age.

He said he really believes this is going to work and he also said that with the quality of these embabies, we walked out of there with a freakin 10% chance of triplets. So I am 50% freaked out by the triplet possibility and 50% like.. yeah right, been here before and I still have no baby(s) so why would this time be different?

I made a comment to that effect as we were waiting the customary half hour on the table after the transfer. It was the first time in this whole process of IVF 1 or 2 that I have seen Jeff get choked up. He asked me to please not say anything negative in his presence or the presence of his embabies. I know he wants to be a dad.. bad. But he is usually so good at hiding his hurt and fears to keep me strong. Today.. I felt how bad this is affecting him too. He really wants this work. Which of course just makes me feel more like a total defective failure.

So tonight I did PIO shot #2. My ass has hardly recovered from the first one. Thank god I only have to do them every third day. But I have the suppositories 3 times a day. I also had to do half of another trigger shot or booster as they call it now. So I had a huge needle in both of my butt cheeks tonight. It was fabulous.

Now the waiting begins.

Doing 5 day transfer

Got the call about 8:30 this morning. Being pushed to a 5 day transfer. I was told that all 8 of my embryo's are still going strong.

I seriously find this very hard to believe.

Ah well, sending all my love and positive vibes to my little embabies who are currently residing in a petri dish some 20 miles north of me right now.

Fert Report

And it's good this time! It's a freakin miracle.

13 eggs
9 mature
8 fertilized normally

I am thrilled with these results. I have to remember that my ovaries are 35 years old. Thus, I will not get 20 eggs of a 20 something year old. It just won't happen. So I have to be and am thrilled with these results. Although.. again, I am knocking on wood cause I feel like.. this is going to smoothly. When is the rug going to get pulled out from under me? Oh well.. until then, I am going to roll with it.

So I am still sore. So sore.. it's actually scaring me a bit. I am sure I don't have OHSS but man.. I did NOT feel like this the last time around. It hurts to walk, laugh, sit. ugh. I am really uncomfortable. I am praying for a 5 day transfer if only to let my body recover from the ER.

My friend Beebe929 got some rough news on her embryo's today. I am sure she is terrifed. Sending one up to the big guy for her.

Third Check

And last check. Thank god. Today's appointment went better than expected. Well.. they have all gone better than expected this time since I expected the same shit as IVF #1. That was fun. NOT. So today, Nurse J was my checker. She is bitchy on a regular day let alone a Saturday. (have I mentioned what bitches most of the nurses at this office are?) She was succinct to say the least today.

So J starts with the right ovary and starts dictating the numbers to me. We get to about the 5th one and she says.. 'whoa.. I'd say you are ready girl'. And that was before she got to the left! I've never heard these words before! Not from them anyway.

At the end of it all, I have a total of 14 follies that are 15mm and over right now. The biggest is only at 19. That's a good thing. They are all growing together. No pack leader. I also have about 7 that are between 10-13mm. So maybe a couple of them will pick up by Monday and be mature.

E2 came back just under 2500 so I officially trigger tonight at 10. ER Monday at 11. I am already so bloated and sore, I just can't wait till the trigger shot hits these follies and I am doubled over in ovulation pain. Good times ahead.

It's GO time.

Second Check

And... it's going down. Not surprising. This seems to be my pattern of sorts.

Today.. from what I remember:
Left Ovary3
1 @ 16mm
1 @ 13mm
2 @ 12mm
2 @ 10mm
1 @ 9 mm
1 @ 8 mm
2 @ 6 mm

Right Ovary
1 @ 15mm
2 @ 13 mm
1 @ 12mm
2 @ 11mm
1 @ 10mm
2 @ 6mm

Nurse will call later with E2 level and guess I should come back on Saturday.

*nurse called* lining is at 9.2 and E2 is at 1176! Ok..I am totally happy with that. I was hoping for at least 750-800 and I am waay over that! Here's to overachieving for once! LOL. I am to continue with my drugs go back on Saturday. Most likely will trigger on Saturday!!

First Monitoring Check

I had my first ultrasound this morning. It went well. Good actually. But then so did the first one for IVF #1 and I was in danger of getting cancelled so...I take this with a grain of salt. I was "half listening" to her as she was calling out the sizes but from what I remember, it went like this:

Left Ovary
3 @ 9mm
2 @ 8mm
4 @ 7mm
6 @ 6mm

Right Ovary
4 @ 9mm
3@ 8mm
3 @ 7mm
3 @ 6mm

The nurse called and my E2 level is at 291. She said that was perfect for only 5 nights of stims. They are making no changes in my medication levels. Truth be told. It was a good report and I am happy with it. I just can't get happy with it if that makes any sense. To nervous. I go back on Thursday.