Yesterday marked the official begining of the big begining. The baseline ultrasound and first shot of stims. I went in for the u/s and b/w. Everything came back where it should. I.E. E2 was <60 and progesterone was less than .5. Today is the first full day of stimming. Did my Menopur shot this morning along with my Lupron. Will do my Gonal F shot in about a hour or so. I am doing the stim shots 12 hours apart. It's kind of a pain in the ass. oh well. I don't go back for a u/s check until Monday. So I will stim for 5 full nights till I have a check. Pretty standard and probably to early for me since I had to stim for 14 nights last time.
There are a couple of things we're doing differently this cycle:
1. I did one shot (half my dose) of stims last night on cd1. Full stimming on cd 2. I did not start stimming until cd4 last time. I wonder if this is contributed to only getting 8 eggs. That seems late knowing what I know now.
2. I am doing Gonal f instead of Bravelle
3. I am doing the 150 of Menopur in the am and the 225 of Gonal f in the pm. Keep the ovaries pumping 24/7
All of that said, I am different also. I am not as excited as I was the first time. I do not have the hope that I had the first time. If it fails, it fails. I am done being devastated. I am done letting this rule my life. If it fails, we're adopting. The application is 80% filled out and the stamp will get licked the day I see a BFN.
I am detached. Complacent. Accepting.
Perhaps it's a defense mechanism. I don't know. I just can't be devastated again.
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