The 2ww

Well, this is the 6 2ww since my ectopic pregnancy and fallopian tube removal. It also marks 11 months since we officially started trying to conceive. Gosh.. it's actually hard to see that in writing! A year ago, I was so full of excitement and hope about having a baby. I had never had any 'female' issues in my life. Not even so much as an abnormal pap smear! And I got pregnant the second month we were trying and wham.. the nightmare began. I got pregnant and ended up with big time fertility issues. It still blows my mind... and breaks my heart. It's been almost 9 months and my due date from that pregnancy has come and gone and I still cry about it. The lost baby, the pain of the ectopic, the surgery, the looks on my husbands face as he watched me go through hell. It just sucks. There is really nothing else to say about it.

So that brings me to today. I am currently 5 days past my IUI. Intra Uterine Insemination. I was really lucky this time. I had two eggs for sure on my right side - where my remaining fallopian tube is - so I am really hoping that this is the lucky month. This is my 2nd IUI. I was hopeful last time but I went into the procedure thinking it wouldn't work. I didn't know why. I just did. This time it's different. I am more at peace with what is going on in my non-baby world. I can't control this. Not even a little bit. So, I have given it over to God and St. Therese. The Little Flower.

Everyone loves to analyze their 'symptoms'. Since I am more of a pessimist, I assume every twinge is nothing or at least nothing good like.. a cyst. Another ectopic. Anything but a baby.
The ovulation was really painful. I guess it's because my ovary was trying to push out multiple eggs at one time. Holy man. But here's a list of what I have felt so far. Writing them down now in case they are pg symptoms or perhaps just my body adjusting to all the drugs and medical stimulation.

1dpo: major cramping and bloating
2dpo: still cramping and bloating. Had a progesterone check at only 36 hours post ovulation and the result was an 11. That's low since I was a 23 last month. But 36 hours is really to early to get a peak reading on progesterone so I am taking that number with a grain of salt. Sore boobs
3dpo: sharp stabbing pains/twinges around my right ovary/fallopian tube. Man. It scared me. Thought I was having another ectopic for lords sake. Sore boobs
4dpo: really no symptoms or otherwise
5dpo: sore boobs again and cramping. The boobs are big. Thinking the progesterone is really peaking now.

That's it for today.

Had my IVF consult last Thursday. If this is a bust, that is where we will be. On the road to the Big Gun. ugh.......