I plead... Insanity..

In my life. No kidding.

The last 4 weeks have been a total blur. It started just before Christmas. There was a constant parade of relatives and friends visiting us. It was fun! But... then Jeff brought home an unwelcome guest: A cold.

The babies got it. Bad. To make a long story short cause I am sure most of you who read my blog know me from the boards and know from there and Facebook about the boys bought with RSV and pneumonia. So one 8 day stay in the hospital and ulcer and bronchitis later for me..we're home and getting back into normal life.

Well..sort of normal. We're officially shut ins and it's really taking a toll on me. The weather has been terrible. Besides the weekly farking blizzards, the temperatures here have been in the single digits. We can't take the boys anywhere in this crap. Especially after what they have just been through. I have been shut up in this house since July when I went on bed rest and it's messing with my mind.

Another big issues right now is my mother. She has been living with us since the babies were born and I think we're about to kill each other. She is so god damn negative about everything I can't take it. When the boys got sick.. it was "I just knew it. I just knew it". And every time they cough or sneeze now, she is quick to diagnos them with some other communicable disease. I got so pissed off last week when she was diagnosing Alex with strep throat (really.. he had cried so much his cry was hoars) that I blurted back..."maybe he has fucking cancer!!!" That said, if she left now, I don't know how I would care for the boys alone all day every day. I am sure there are triplet moms out there who have done it, but I seriously can't imagine. It would be so so so hard.

Then there is the constant reminder that she gives me that I need a bigger house. She constantly bitches about our house and it's one bathroom status. Believe me. I am the first person to cry about the fact we need a bigger house. BAD. When we bought this house, it was perfect for us. In the hippest suburb of Detroit, walking distance from tons of bars and restaurants, 10 minute drives to work for both of us. And it's a darling old house with about 1600 square feet and 3 bedrooms. But because it's old, there is one bathroom and a small kitchen. We thought it was the perfect starter house for us and like one kid. 5 years max.

Well.. we will hit 5 years in this house in September. And here we are with 3 kids, 2 dogs, 1 mother in law and us. There is no room for the partridge in a pear tree anymore. Oh yeah.. and the worst economy in the country. Our beautiful house has depreciated in value about $30,000 or more since we bought it due to the state of the state here in Michigan and particularly in Detroit. I don't have to tell you how the Big 3 need bailing out by the government and this town is suffering because of it. If we sell this house in the near future, we'd have to some how finance a $30K loss or more. Oh.. and pay for closing... and a down payement on a new house... Honestly, we're considering walking away from it and fore-closing. It would be cheaper. And since the house is only in my name since we weren't married when I bought it, we would only screw my credit. How sad is it that we are seriously considering this option because we are so desperate. If I lose my job, that's probably going to happen. And that looks like a major possiblity now also.

It's hard to wrap my head around everything going on. While I am so thankful and greatful to be a mother, there are a whole new set of worries. My job, the house, paying for Ben's $25 a can formula. How will I care for them when my mom is gone? If only it were warmer and I could just take the boys out for a walk every day. Maybe my head would be a little more clear.